»AIM: xoxlinluvxox or l3al3ie1uvkandi3
Thursday, February 10, 2005
In the car w/John
Today, John came and sat somewhere on the streets in the car by Cleaveland elementary. Well, actually, we were both sitting in the car. We talked for a while and it was awkward. Blah blah blah...he started holding my hands and I pulled it away. A lil while later, I just somehow let him hold my hand. And he held me. I had this weird feeling I've never gotten. Then, I started to have butterflies in my tummy. Hmm...if anyone would ask, I have no clue what was going on. I was asking myself, <i>"Why? Why him??" </i>In my mind, I asked, <i>"Do I have feelings for him?"</i> We talked for months ever since him and Nancy had problems and I started to see the real him and I liked his personality. It's not what people think. I just felt like he doesn't lie to me. Well, SOMETIMES about nonsense, but it's cool. =p I've NEVER in my life liked two guys at once. I've always been true to my heart, but this time I have 2 in my heart..Well, I think i did like Ven at one point. Or maybe not...i'm not sure. Maybe i did...but maybe not. But anyway, I can't believe myself. Well, other girls have like 5 at a time so I guess 2 is normal. As long as i'm not doing anything wrong. When John start holding me and stuff, in my mind I was thinking, "Am i wrong to Hung?"But then I thought that we're not together anymore so it doesn't matter. Then, later I thought, "It've only been 1 day since me and Hung broke it off." So it is wrong I know I still love Hung. It's just I have tiny feelings for John. Or do I? Sometimes people tend to think they like someone, but at the end, they find out they really don't. That happened to me before. I thought I liked Lance because he've been there to cheer me up when I was down about Kenny. But when he asked me out, I realized that he wasn't the one I wanted to be with... but Kenny. So...is that the same situation w/ Hung, John, and me? I guess I should just follow my heart. When me and John were in the car about to leave, I was looking down then John asked what I will do if he kissed me. I told him no no no. It've only been a week since he told me he liked me and a day since me and Hung broke up. So, I tried to avoid the lip. He got my cheeks, but i I didn't make it such a big deal. I was looking down then suddenly John raised up my head and said, "Don't look down! Look up!" So I did because I thought he didn't want me just lookin down at nothing. I looked up and.....*gasp* right on the lips. Oh geez...he was lucky I didn't smack him w/a metal stick. =D
Posted at 09:46 pm by Lin
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Tet (Lunar New Year)
The Lunar New Year's was on this day when we all went out to eat & hung around at the temple and everything. Just yesterday I found out that John likes me. He told me, but dunno if I should believe him or not. Knowing John, it's just a lie because of all the girls he tried to get. I didn't really believe those words. All he is to me is just a simple close friend. Today, somehow, John was mad at me during the lil hang out thing. We were at Kim-Huong. I couldn't understand why John was mad at me, but I didn't have a very good feeling. Everyone was eating at Kim Huong and everyone knows I don't like pho?(vietnamese noodle) as much so I wanted pizza hut which was right across from Kim Huong. Hung and Phan went over there, but the workers didn't wanna take their order so they were angry. Everyone wanted to go over there and make everything all huge and stuff. Suddenly, John walked off and went over there. Kim and I chased after him and told him not to. It wasn't a big deal. I wasn't hungry anyway, but everyone made it all a big commotion. John told me he's mad at me for a stoopit reason and I kinda knew why. Yes it was stoopit. Why did he try to go get me pizza when he was pissed? Sam was being a little wacko in the head and poured almost the whole jar of sugar in his pho?. On sheesh..i guess he wants diabetes. =p Well, loas these days. Okay, just wanted to point that out. Anyway, when we got home, I called John and told him to come see me because I needed to talk to him. I was just wondering why he was pissed and I knew he wasn't going to tell me over the phone. Well, he was pissed because I left the temple w/out telling him and had him wondering. =/ Nice reason. Well, we were talking, but I dunno. John told me he really had feelings for me and first, I walk like... "Uh...it can't be true." Then, I looked in his eyes and somehow, I believed him...I actually believed his words. Well, later he start his car and it wouldn't start so I walked home and John called Chuong to help. Hung was on the way over there for John too and he saw me walking. I walked down Custer street. I knew I was going to see him that's why I didn't try to hide because I didn't do anything wrong. He was angry because I went out w/ John alone and he just doesn't trust John. Well, I got home and we had a lil arguement/talk thing about what I did. =/ Hmm..I was going to tell him I went out anyway. What kind of person doesn't check up on their friend whenever something is wrong? I don't think anything's wrong w/ that. Or maybe I was...who knows. I felt like I was being trapped like I Can't do anything I want in my life. I'm always scared Hung might say this and that. So...we broke up... in my heart, I knew i love him, but I just couldn't take it anymore. For the last couple of months, i've been thinking about if I should just let go of this relationship or not. Yes I know that I love HUng. It's just that i'm not very happy. I know it's selfish thinking for myself, but in relationships, you can't just always think for the other. If one person doesn't like the other, but he/she stays w/him just to make he/she happy, it's gonna hurt them at the end. I'm not saying that I don't like Hung anymore. I just wanna feel a lil more relieved with less pressure on me. I've been holding on to too many pain since middle school and I just want some time being alone. I know i'll regret, but it's for the best. End of story.......
Posted at 09:21 pm by Lin
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Hey Hey Hey!!! Yesterday wuz my Anniversary, but y did it turn out not so good? I cried 3 times for 3 different reasons. Right from the beginning of the day, i got so angry cuz i felt so used. It wuz sumthing about Hung and his sister...stuff ya noe..but itz over now. I wuz pretty pissed for a while. I wuz just gonna blow off everything and forget about the thaym day. But then i try to forget it since it was our Anniversary. I took a short nap and just forgot it wen i woke up. Hung and I went out to bunch of places and had fun. On the way home, it was all quiet so it made me think about sum things in the past. It made me cry bcuz i wuz just lookin at hiz innocent face knowing how sweet he has been to me, but did i ever done him rong..? I dun really noe..well yeah..dun wanna say too much. Y i hurt him so much...? Well yeah..everything wuz fine. After today, i try to keep it in my head to value our relationship even more. There are so many things i wanna let out and say...but yeah..i can talk to myself..haha..well my hun gave me a kewtttt gift!! But i'm not tellin..=p I've been talkin to John for a while & he's makin me feel better even though his big butt don't do nething but haha..i just needed sum1 to talk to. We both needed sum1 to talk to! We both cheered up. Kool eh? haha..well yeah..i think i'll b fine..*sigh* now i have my dad to deal wit..so many problems...y kan't i have a normal life..?
*Half of me wanna let go of all but my other half still wanna hold on to it. What should i do...? ughk..
Posted at 04:07 am by Lin
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I've been thinkin over the last couple of days about sum things. When we were still back in school b4 the break, i wuz thinkin and thought i should try all my best to hold this friendship together and try to pick up from where we've lost it. I talked to one of my friends and realized many things i never thought of. Then, some things came upon my mind lately and sum other problems made me realize about my current life. I kept trying and thinking about how to hold a friendship together and tie it back, but then am i being selfish? Am i thinkin for only wat i want and not thinking about what he wants? I dunno..but then i've came to realize that there are sum things u kan't hold on to forever and there are sum things u just have to let go forever. Is it best to let this go? I'm not sure, but i know that no matter how hard i try, i can't retrieve all the memories and be how we use to be again. Everything changed and i guess there wuz a reason y it changed. So, all i kan do now is just learn to let go. I can't hold on to this forever like this. I'm just building up my own pain and his pain is probably building up in you. We can't live like this. haha..funnie wen i think i kan actually make this work but then it turns out opposite. I thought i had a lot of things to say, but i guess not. This is the point where i have to learn to let go of things...for what or whom u kare for most is the hardest to let go...maybe it'll work out better one day in the future..like i always said..things may vanish away in just a second, but memories and moments will always remain behind; no matter if it's bad or good.
Posted at 01:10 am by Lin
Saturday, December 25, 2004
My whole family were invited to a party at Hung's house. His family had a big party and so i thought it would b fun. I came there and walked in with a big huge bag of presents for every member of the family. haha..funnie cuz hiz mom wuz laughin and sayin that's too much presents. Well, his "whole" family was there and it was fun. Everyone wuz nice like always. Wen the lil kid party wuz over and i had to take my sisters to the movies with their boyfriend and friends..watever but to the movies..haha...! Well, i came back to Hung's house and just sat there. While every1 wuz takin pictures, there were things goin through my mind and i looked outside. Saw the Christmas lights on people's houses and then i wuz thinkin about too many stuff. Tears start building up for no reason and i tried so hard holding it in. Covered my face so no1 could c and luckily my tears stopped in time wen Hung came. I was thinking about freshman year when me and Ven walked around the street loooking at Christmas lights on people's houses. I remember it was sooo freakin cold but we still had fun. I never thought i could cry so much for a friend. He's not just a friend but a very special one. He've always been there for me through my thick and thins. I sat there on the couch just crying because this year we're just separate with our own lives and not sharing anything together. I dunno..i kinda regret that yesterday i didn't beg him to go with me. I had a lot of things to say to him. I wanna keep our friendship but why kan't i do it? I'm so stoopit. Well, I wuz thinkin about my mom also wen every1 questioned about her bcuz they didn't noe that lady next to my dad wuz my stepmother. There were so many things on my mind that caused those tears. I thought about my friends, my mom, my hun, and my family. I dunno but i saw Hung's family so happy..y kan't i have that..? haha..but it's kool..I'M PART OF THE FAMILY!! hahaha...
Towards the end, we opened our presents and the whole family would scream and clap wen sum1 open their presents. Even if it wuz ugly!! hahaha...i loved my presents. Hung's family were teasing me and him wen we would open the presents from each other. It wuz funnie. Wuz i blushing? hehe..don't think so. =p When everyone opened their presents and only a couple were left, i thought the family would be like "okay we're done with the presents!! Let's go downstairs and sing karoke!" I thought they would just leave me opening my own presents by myself with no1 even caring that it's my present. Well, they count me end. And surprisingly, i wasn't last! haha..they count me in and shared everything with me. I felt so loved. =)
Posted at 11:15 pm by Lin
Phone kall from Kenny Baker
Earlier in the day, Kenny Baker kalled me to say Merry Christmas. haha..he kalls me every holiday. Weird guy. Hmm..i told him i wuz sorry because some things happened since the 8th grade and i still can't let it go. I accused him of cheating on me but did he really? Some girl told me he went out with sum girl and i asked her wen wuz that then it wuz the same period of time that me and him were together. Well, i've always accused him of that until now. It's been 3 years and i still havn't let it go. About time i hafta let go. Now i believe that there are sum things u must leave unknown...haha..funnie how he still remember to kall me every holidays. He shure keep his words. I kan't hate him forever...haha..it wuz a long time ago..I gotta let it go now..sheesh..my stubborn head. =p
Posted at 09:18 pm by Lin
Friday, December 24, 2004
Hmm...i woke up extra earlie to go shopping wit Hung for hiz mom and dad. Man..it wuz a freakin pain in the butt!! Ok..here wuz our dumb schedule: First, we went to the west mall to return our stuff to get money to buy sumthin else. Went around lookin for the massage chair, but they didn't have it so we went to Gordmans. Gordmans didn't have the stoopit chair so we planned to go to the east mall. On the way to the east mall, i got hungry so we went to Malaysia to eat. After that, we drove to the east mall and the dum massage things were toooo expensive so we bought hiz mom a suit. They only had it in one size so we went all the way back to towne west. We got the suit in a different size so we were done!! *Phew*!! BUT we forgot to buy Hung's dad sumthing!! And so we went to Burlington and bought him a freakin dress shirt w/ a tie. NOW we're done. omg...long story. haha..great memory. HAHA....well..for Hung neway..cuz we went through all that in 5 hours straight. haha...
I was watching the clock as it went by while i wuz wrapping all my presents...it eventually came to 5..then it slowly became 6 PM. Ven and I were suppose to have plans. Blah blah..my sister planned to go with her boyfriend and friends. I wuz suppose to take them and have fun myself. But all 3 of us sisters didn't feel like goin newhere..we all didn't noe y. I wuz just feeling weird. So, nothing went the way we planned it. My sisters ended up stayin home and i ended up goin around lookin at lights wit my hun. Hmm... wen i wuz wit him, i felt horrible about sumthin but then i asked myself y do i feel bad..? I had no cloo, but i'm delightful we're still together till this day.
Well, about a month ago, i planned to go hang out with Ven to catch up on our friendship. We've lost many things and i just felt like it's time i should go do something worthwhile. Well, we were gonna go take our first pic together for a memory but i couldn't go during the day. So we just planned to go the evening time. I got online and asked him if we were still goin and he said to me, "there's no point to". So i was bummed out and i just got offline right away. I just sat there thinking. I thought about Ven then i thought about Hung. Before, i promised Hung that i will never go out alone with another ever again unless Hung knows and agree with it. I almost broke that promise by goin out tonight. Then, on the other hand, i felt bad because i wanted our friendship to stay alive and happy. Well, i just didn't know..i still dunno. I wuz holding on to Hung crying because i almost broke my promise. Why can't i just live a life with no worries and no secrets? I just don't wanna keep hiding things anymore.
Posted at 08:39 pm by Lin
Friday, July 23, 2004
Mall with Lovely sissies
Juss got back from the mall baby!! Man...all ugly guys at the mall...hahahaha!! J/k...i wuzn't lo_ooOOkin!!! Seriously!! I wuzn't! I wuz checkin them out. hahaha!! J/k...!! Since my hun check out gurls then i have the right to check out guys. But ya know..guys these days are heoooo uglay!! haha....me and my sis Tina got hit on!! HAHAHAHAHA!! j/k....too bad they were too ugly. hahaha! Man...i think i was on crack. I kept bumpin my sis with my bootay. Dang!! I made them flew man!! hahahahaha! I begged dem to buy me candies and i had a whole bag!! Well Tina bought it for her but i stole half of it. Since i went to the mall broke, all i could do was watch my sisters shop but ya know..that's kinda boring. So, i decided to eat lots of candy instead. That's my thang babe!! hahaha! They were whoopin mee for eatin their candy!! hahahaha! I think i was ambarrasing them at the mall. Woooo i got hyper!! Candy too much!! Suga suga babies!! hahahahaha...dorkie retard!!! Well anyway...i'm gonna go now..tired now!! bai bai!!
Posted at 05:18 am by Lin
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Poem for Brenda
I feel so happie now. Dang it's so earlie. Almost 9:30 AM!! Dangz..i need to sleep more. Can't sleep rite now. Stayin up so earlie eh? haha...Look what i wrote for my sis...she is soooo retarded..kept saying "WHAOO" n "WAHOA!! So i made her a dumb poem i made in less than 1 min. it doesn't even make sense. haha...To Brenda!!:
**Brenda you so dum. You're like a bum chewing your gum on the kum. On your way, do a hum to show you're a bum. "Whaooo" so much and get yo bootay num. I'll give you fruity tooty if you want sum. So, go eat plum 'cause it's so yum yum.**
haha...see? i told ya it didn't make any sense. Even i dunno what the heo it means. How kan her bootay get num wen she "whaooo"s with her mouth? haha...
Posted at 05:08 am by Lin
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Last night, i had a dream. That dream kept me thinking and wondering. I kept wondering what it meant and stuff but i dunno. 'Cause sometimes my dreams mean something and it could be true. I have no clue. But this was how the dream was..i dreamt i called Ven and all we said was just "Hello" then held the phone there for no reason. Suddenly, he just pop out of nowhere saying, "Is there a reason you called?" I held the phone wondering wondering why i called. I replied to him "i don't know...." Then he started talking. He said "This friendship is in your hands. It's relying on you. This friendship gonna keep living of die away is all up to you. By the end of this year, if you don't come up with a decision then this friendship gonna be all over forever and it'll be too late to turn back." I held the phone thinking...all confused. In my mind, i wanted to hold this friendship together but i couldn't. Somethins was holding me back but i dunno what. Then i said, "If you say that then i guess you don't want this friendship to continue because friendship doesn't have limits or time. Friends can be friends and there izn't any time to make friends. Friends are endless." Suddenly tears shed from my eyes. I was confused and felt so lonely like i had nobody near me. Then, he said "Like i said, this friendship gonna die or live is all up to you." The phone clicked after saying that. I headed to my room and when i opened the door, i saw someone sitting there. When he turned his head, i looked at him and i notice it was Ven. I was feeling nervous as i approached him. I sat down and we just started talking on and on about useless things. Then, we talked about movies. Suddenly, we said something about "50 First Dates"
I thought it was kinda weird 'cause in real life, i watched that movie with Ven..Well anyway, Ven said "I wanna tell you something just in case you choose to throw away this friendship and i never have the chance to tell you. I..." Right then, my dream cut off out of the blue and i woke up. I was wondering what the dream meant, but when i look at it, i don't have that many friends anymore. I'm just afraid that suddenly all my friends will just b away from me. Hmm..but then this thing keeps me thinking. I dreamt about this the night of the 20th...And waking up is the 21st..wth
21st is the date when me and Ven met. Kinda wierd...i wonder if this friendship really is up to me. Am i willing to start it again or just let it go? I don't really know...my love or my friend? Why do i have to choose? I wish i didn't have to. If i choose to be his friend again then Hung would be angry again. But if i don't be his friend then i would regret forever...i don't understand...
Posted at 05:06 am by Lin